🖤 Samson – Obi-Wan Kenobi (Old Ben Edition)

Grumpy. Wise. Done with your shit.

Like Obi-Wan on Tatooine, Samson is ancient, aloof, and living in judgmental exile. He once fought great battles (probably involving squirrels), but now he mostly sulks on the couch and mutters about how everything used to be better “before the clones.”

🌑 Arizona – Yoda (Dagobah Edition)

Elusive, cryptic, appears when least expected—usually to mess with your stuff.

AZ is Yoda in swamp-camo: small, stealthy, unsettlingly wise, and vanishes into thin air unless summoned by warm electronics. Speaks in riddles (if he spoke at all), and probably levitates when you’re not looking.

🪨 Emperor – Jabba the Hutt

Stationary. Massive. Commands space through sheer presence and unapologetic loafing.

Emperor doesn’t do things. He simply is, and you work around him. Like Jabba, he rules his domain with sluggish menace and a tiny brain that somehow controls everything anyway. No chain needed—he’s not moving.

🎲 Dice – BB-8

Round, excitable, loyal, and likely to slam into furniture at full speed out of love.

Dicey is the dog-shaped droid you didn’t know you needed. Full of beeps, bounce, and reckless affection. Doesn’t follow protocol, but will absolutely follow you to the ends of the galaxy if you have snacks.

💥 Tybee – Kylo Ren

A walking bundle of feelings, rage, and daddy issues, occasionally adorable by accident.

Tybee is chaos incarnate. Hulking strength + delicate trauma = Kylo. Screams, smashes, then immediately regrets it and begs for forgiveness with those sad golden retriever eyes. A danger to himself and others (mostly others).

👑 Gynger – Leia Organa

Regal, ruthless, and fully in control of your entire life without lifting a paw.

Gynger is the Empress and the General. She’s not here to play fetch—you are. Demands loyalty, commands territory, and will absolutely kill you with side-eye alone. Hates clowns. Especially clown food.